The Art of Manliness and Leaving a Legacy

I’ve stumbled upon a new site called artofmanliness.com.  Now while I don’t think anyone has ever referred to me as a depiction of ideal manliness, this site addresses a lot of concepts that I’ve felt were important for several years.  Ideas like respect, duty, wisdom, and legacy are all things I feel are important and are severely lacking in the modern “man”.  This site is a somewhat tongue-in-cheek self-help-style look at how to become more “manly”.  Some articles talk about what products to use on your hair to get a Cary Grant-ish sheen or about some of the greater “Man Caves” of history.  It does have some interesting articles in it though and a lot of it is thought provoking.

I bring this up because I’ve become more and more concerned about how I’m perceived.  King Solomon writes that everything we do in life, achievements, works, accolades, are meaningless because in a thousand years, there’ll be nothing and no one left to remember you by (the irony being that we’re talking about this guy ~3,000 years after his death, but whatever).  And while I agree with him in principal, that 50 years after my death no one will pay me a second thought, much less 1,000, I disagree that it’s ALL meaningless because my memory will live on in the lives of my children.  Since taking on a fatherly role I’ve had become very aware of my actions and how I am perceived by the little eyes watching me.  The first time it really became apparent to me was when I was doing a little simple home repair, hanging curtains, and I noticed Xander was mimicking my every action, putting the pencil behind his ear, “drilling” holes in the wall, etc.  Granted it was a harmless project, but I just started to think about what if he saw me doing something inappropriate for a 3 year old to be copying.

I’ve oft thought about how I appear to my children and what sort of legacy I want to leave with them when I’m gone.  What actions or aspects do I want them to look back on and have proud memories?  What sort of definitive statements could they say about me when I’m gone?  What kind of sensory inputs (smells, tastes, etc.) do I want to trigger thoughts of their father?  For instance, I’d like them to be able to say, “My father flew the American flag in front of our house every day” and not, “The Windows startup sound always reminds me of him”.  Will I be known as the man who always got the fire going on a cold night and took his family camping regularly (one great thing my family always did/does) or the oaf who couldn’t be bothered with play time because he couldn’t turn off the TV and get off the couch?

While I don’t think I’ll ever be the epitome of “manliness”, that doesn’t mean I can’t strive to be the best man I can be in my own little domain.  I’ve known of some of my flaws for a long time now, I speak way too quickly when I should be listening, I’m impatient, I have a severe distain for high humidity a thus find it very difficult to do anything, work or play, outside during the summer months, I’m stubborn and get irritated by little things.  One of the beneficial aspects of being in the military is it gives your regular opportunities to start over, be it a move or in my case just being a way for a long period.  Holly and I have already started discussing ways we can change some of the things we deem negative in our lives when we all get back.  Now we just need some [a lot] prayer and hard work.