Most of my friends probably don’t know this but my mother is a farmer’s daughter. She grew up on a farm in rural Wisconsin where her father raised cattle and crops. What surprised me was that since she’s left the farm she’s worked very hard to improve her surroundings and acquire the things she never had growing up. She’s told me stories about how her toys used to be shoes that she pretended were the cattle going into the barn for milking. She would use the salt and pepper shakers as her bride and groom dolls. And while I think there is a fair amount of “back in my day” syndrome going on, farmers aren’t exactly known for living the high life.
Growing up I was spoiled, I can admit that now. My mom is more or less a self made woman and she worked her butt off to provide everything my brother, sister and I ever needed and almost everything we wanted. Her love languages
are Acts of Service and Gifts (neither of which are mine by the way) which meant she did most everything for us and provided us with all sorts of things. This in turn never allowed me to learn the value of hard work or the cost of a dollar. Don’t get me wrong, I’m in no way faulting my mother. She was only trying her best to express her love in the way she knew how and to give us all of the things she never had as a child.My mom, born in the 50’s, and the women of her generation were told by society that their “highest aspiration was not housewife anymore, it was now bread winner. Public schooling and fast food would take care of the mundane chores. Go out and make something of yourself!” My mom, regardless of what she was told, also was as single mother from my tenth year on so of course that played a big part too.
Now that I’m older though and raising kids of my own, I don’t want them to have everything. Kids are spoiled rotten. I’m not just giving my own “back in my day” story here. I see no reason a ten year old should have their own 42” TV, Playstation 3/Xbox/Wii, computer and cell phone. I watch how kids act in public and they get away with talking back, disobeying, and acting foolish with Mom sitting in her chair counting “1, 2, 2 and a half…”. That’s not what God meant when he said, “Train up a child”. I would presume that there are very few children who have any chores beyond “clean up your room” and then they get paid for it.
I see my job as a parent to make viable adults of my children. Not spoiled whinny, nanny state-dependant drains on society. If you teach you kids that “even though you didn’t finish your vegetables like I asked, even after counting to three, I’ll still give you dessert” kind of mentality how will they act when they move out into the world?
I’m trying to teach my children the value of a hard days work. We make bread, ice cream, and pizza ourselves and it tastes 100 times better than anything store bought. Xander has his own garden that he (with help) planted, watered, fertilized, and harvested peas and, as we are standing there munching on the sweetest peas you’ve ever had, we talk about the work that went into it. What does a child remember more, a brand new car given to them on their birthday or the beater that they spent months or years scrapping together every dime to save for?
So now, after having a mother who spent much of her life giving her kids the things the farm didn’t have, she has a son who wants more than anything to go and live on a farm and withhold certain things from his children in order to better them. Not only that but she wants join him and his family! We’ve come full circle indeed.
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